Sniffles
by Thief of Black Winged Hearts
Summary: Ed gets Roy sick and they're both stuck in the same house! Riza is called in to look after the two alchemists. What hilarity ensues when Ed tries to get Riza and Roy together in one day? RoyRiza rated T for swearing
1. Chapter 1

This is a humerous three-part fic that I thought up. Not RoyEd. Lets stick the two people who hate each other together in one house and watch the blood fly!!! (sadistic smile) Sorry, I sent Hawkeye to keep them in line, so no one's going to die.

Ed: Who needs looking after?!

Roy: I think you do, you little runt.

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT!!!

Roy: I AM, YOU PIPSQEAK!!!

(both break into spasmodic coughing fits)

Me: Now now children, play nice.

Ed and Roy: !!!

Me: (evil glint in eye) PLAY NICE OR I'LL HURT YOU!

Ed and Roy: Yes ma'am.

(Hawkeye walks in)

Riza: Darn it, I missed the party!

Everyone else: (sweatdrops)

Disclaimer: I love them, but don't own them. I just like jerking them around a lot, that's all.

* * *

Sick Day

Edward coughed and coughed, hacking into a slightly crumpled tissue until he thought his head would burst. Finally managing to clear his throat, he spat into the tissue, wiped his nose, and then chucked the now thoroughly crumpled tissue into the overflowing waste basket by the side of his desk. He sat back in his chair for a moment, wheezing until he caught his breath. Rubbing his watery eyes, he leaned back over his desk, squinting at the sea of paperwork strewn across it. There was a slightly larger mountain of paperwork on the other side of the trashcan, where Edward had thrown his finished paperwork in an untidy heap. Unfortunately, the trashcan was now starting to overflow, and the pile of used tissues and the pile of paperwork were starting to integrate.

Giving one last grating cough, Edward picked up a random piece of paper and squinted blearily at the small, black type. It said that he needed to give a two page opinion on weather the plumbing for downtown central should be rerouted into the one for midtown central. Edward made a "tch" of disgust, his golden eyes narrowed. Why did he have to do all this useless garbage? If he'd had any choice at all, he would be back home under about ten blankets. But noooo, Colonel Uptight-stick-in-the-mud said that his paperwork was breeding on his desk, so he'd better go do it. Today. And Ed knew as well as the next person that when the colonel used that tone of voice, he wouldn't be taking any lame-ass excuses. Even if they happened to be perfectly valid. At least Al didn't have to suffer through this, too. Al had gone a week ago to visit Winry and Granny Pinako. Usually, Al was the one who forced Ed to take medicine whenever he wasn't feeling well, but with all gone Ed's small cough had turned into a full blown head cold in no time.

Throwing the stupid report back onto his desk, Edward began mumbling under his breath. Among the distinguishable words were ailments, swears, and Colonel Mustang's name. Obviously, Ed wasn't quite a happy camper. With one hand he began rummaging around his desk for a new piece of paperwork. With the other, Ed pulled a tissue from his almost depleted box on his lap and blew his runny nose. Chucking the crumpled tissue in the vague direction of the waste basket, Ed pulled his next damn piece of paperwork up to his face. He tried to read it, but his head was spinning so bad that he let it fall to the desk, resting his cheek on the cool mahogany. Of course, the rapid movement of his upper body triggered a coughing fit, making his head spin even worse. His golden eyes burning angrily, Ed growled into the air, "When I get my hands on that damn colonel, I'm going to make him eat every on of these damn papers."

Just then Ed's office door opened, and the very person he had just so profanely cursed entered the room. Ed groaned, head still down on his desk. Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear. Mustang smirked, looking down at the vertically challenged alchemist with mocking eyes. "Sleeping on the job, Fullmetal? Looks like someone missed his naptime today."

"Shut up, Mustang," Edward rasped out, breaking into a coughing fit that made his head spin. He looked up and glared at Mustang, eyes weary from the sleep he had lost to coughing. "You're the one who ordered me here, jackass, so quit complaining about it!"

Mustang blanched, eyes widening in shock. Fullmetal looked terrible. The red flush that painted his cheeks proclaimed he had a fever. His nose was bright red and sore looking. His eyes had dark purple shadows under them, like he hadn't slept in a week, and were half-lidded and bleary looking. But behind those eyes shone a fire that told Mustang that Ed was pissed. Probably at him, too, for making the sick alchemist come to work in this state. So what did he do? He antagonized Edward, of course. Chances like these don't come along every day after all.

"Nice nose, Fullmetal. It's, hmm, shall we say colorful?" Mustang drawled, smirking openly. He them leaned slightly to the right, dodging the stapler that had been thrown at his head by half an inch. "Oooh," he said, shaking a finger at Ed, who was standing behind his desk looking like he wanted to take a chunk out of him. "Someone's a little cranky today. Feeling _beneath_ your usual standards?" Annnnnd…

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE CAN'T BE SEEN BEHIND HIS DESK?" Ed ranted, jumping up and down with fury. However, this proved to be too much exertion for Ed, and abruptly the room started to spin. He collapsed back into his chair, coughing until he was sure he would see blood on his hand. That bastard. Why couldn't he just leave him alone, now of all times? His head was throbbing now, a lovely counterpart to the stabbing sensation in his throat. Why would today of all days be the time where he had to go to work? Ed squeezed his eyes shut, still coughing.

Suddenly, Ed felt a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles while he coughed. "Take it easy, Fullmetal," he heard Mustang say while his hand comforted him. "Just try to breathe normally." Edward jerked away, falling to the floor with a clatter.

"Keep-away-from-me," Ed coughed out, trying to distance himself from Mustang. Being comforted like that...it was something Mom used to do. He couldn't take that. Especially not from that ambitious bastard.

Roy saw Edward double over, coughing. A flash of regret surfaced. He shouldn't have done that. Edward obviously really wasn't feeling well. Quickly, he walked over and tried to comfort him, to help him stop coughing. He wasn't quite sure why he did it, except for the fact that he had caused it in the first place. He began to rub Edward's back, telling him that everything would be alright if he just tried to breathe normally. As soon as Roy touched Edward, he felt Ed's muscled immediately tense. Edward jerked away, falling to the floor. "Keep-away-from-me," the boy choked out, his golden eyes burning. For a moment, Roy saw something flash in those eyes, but it was gone before he could identify it. But what was he going to do? Edward's face was bright red, and his coughs seemed to be getting worse. But he didn't dare touch the boy incase of another outburst. After a full minute of coughing, Roy started to panic.

"Breathe Fullmetal, breathe!" he yelled. Finally, Edward stopped coughing, breathing heavily and resting his head against his desk, eyes closed. Roy looked down at him and decided to be truthful. "You look like hell, Fullmetal. Why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

Ed was ready to blow a blood vessel. "I tried to tell you, but you hung up before I could say anything!" he snapped. It sounded like Mustang was implying that this was all his fault! "So of course I had to go to work if I didn't want you to court martial me!" Mustang had the decency to look embarrassed, running a hand through his hair.

"Sorry about that, Edward. Why don't you just go home and take the day off?" Mustang said, looking at Ed with sympathy. Clearly Mustang had had stuff like this happen before.

Ed jerked his finger to the window. "I can't. I walked here this morning, and it's raining out now. Getting soaked is _not _part of my agenda." Roy looked outside. Sure enough it was raining, water drenching the parade grounds as it swept across the field. If it didn't stop soon, central was going to have to build an ark.

"You're probably right," Mustang said, looking thoughtful. "Getting soaked probably wouldn't be beneficial."

"No shit, Sherlock," said Ed nasally. He cleared his throat several times, then pulled a tissue from the box and spat into it. He then crumpled it into a ball and chucked it onto the tissue mountain that was his garbage can. Mustang raised an eyebrow in distaste, both at Ed's actions and the integrated pile of tissues and paperwork. When catching Mustang's expression, Ed scowled and said, "Shut up. I can't help it, I'm sick."

Roy heaved a sigh. "Well," he said, looking slightly exasperated, "Where are you staying? One of us could drive you home, I suppose." Edward looked just a bit uncomfortable, squirming slightly.

"Well," he said, not looking Mustang in the eye, "I usually stay in my room at the barracks whenever I come to central, but last night the pipes in my wing broke down and flooded it. So, I kinda figured I could sleep at the park or something, seeing I'm used to sleeping outside, but then this happened," he said, making a disgusted hand gesture at the window.

"Why couldn't you just fix it?" asked Roy, wondering how something as simple as pipes would be a problem for the young alchemist. Edward looked at the floor and mumbled something. "What's that?" asked Roy mockingly, putting a hand to his ear. "I can't hear you from down there."

"I said I can't transmute when I'm sick!" yelled Ed cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He'd tried to fix the pipes, but he'd ended up puking in front of about twenty officers. He'd rather forget that particular memory. Besides, he hadn't wanted Mustang to know his weakness, however absurd it might be.

Roy blinked, surprised. He hadn't known that about the little alchemist. Suddenly, he grinned. This meant Ed now had to comply if he wanted him to do something. In terms of dealing with Edward, it didn't get better then him not being able to use alchemy. Unless he was hogtied, of course. "All right Edward," said Roy, throwing his hand into the air, "I think you should come back to my office. We'll decide what we'll do with you there." He walked to the door and opened it, gesturing for Edward to follow him. When he hesitated, Roy told him, "If you're worried about paperwork, I'll have one of my subordinates handle it."

Edward looked wary. "What if I don't want to come with you?" he asked hoarsely, eyeing Roy in mistrust.

"Then," Mustang replied, grinning evilly, "I guess you in sleep in the rain." He then walked out of the room, heading towards his office. Ed hesitated for a moment, and then hurried after them, muttering about damn colonels and pipe work.

Ed sat down at the couch situated in the colonel's office, shivering slightly. He was so gad damn cold, even with his jacket on. Leaning back tiredly, he clenched his jaw to keep his teeth form chattering. Around him, Breda, Havoc, Fuery, and Hawkeye were staring at him with various levels of shock on their faces. Mustang was sitting at his desk, looking at nothing in particular while he thought. Finally, Havoc spoke up.

"Damn, kid. Why the hell are you at work?" he asked, looking at Ed's stricken appearance. He'd been so surprised the cigarette had fallen out of his mouth.

"That's what I was about to say," said Breda.

Ed snorted. "That bastard," he said, jerking his thumb towards Mustang, "Chose today to call me in for my overdue paperwork." He sneezed, jerking back in his seat a bit. "Plus," he said, sniffling a little, "My apartment's been flooded." Breda wordlessly tossed over a box of tissues. "Thanks," Ed said stuffily, then blew his nose.

"That's too bad, Edward," said Hawkeye sympathetically. Even if she didn't look it, Lieutenant Hawkeye was such a softie. "Where are you going to be staying?" she asked. Edward just shrugged his shoulders, leaned back against the couch, and closed his eyes. His headache had not gone away, so he wasn't exactly in the mood for conversation at the moment. Plus, all those sleepless nights had taken there toll on him. The rest of the office began to talk in hushed voices, and soon enough he'd drifted off to sleep.

"So what are we going to do, Colonel?" asked Fuery, looking sympathetically at Edward, who was fast asleep. "I mean, he's sick and doesn't have a place to go. We can't just leave him here."

Roy sighed. "Does anyone here have an extra room in there house?" he asked pleadingly. He knew what was coming. One by one, the squad members each shook there heads. "An extra couch?" Roy begged. More shaking of heads. Roy put his face in his hands and sighed. "I guess it'll have to be my house, then," he said, defeated. A puzzled expression crossed his face, and he turned to Hawkeye. "How do you take care of a sick kid anyway?" he asked.

Hawkeye rolled her eyes. Roy was giving her his patented puppy dog eyes. Seen by few, saved for when he wanted to get out of his paperwork. After a few seconds, she caved. Not something she usually did, but Roy did need her help, and she knew from experience that Edward could be a handful. "I'll stay home with you, Colonel, and help you take care of him," she said, a hint of amusement in her tone.

Roy's dark eyes shone with profound gratitude. "Hawkeye, I could kiss you," he said, earning a blush from said lieutenant.

"Yeah, and that's not all he might do," muttered Havoc to his squad mates, who all chuckled. It an instant, Havoc's newly lit cigarette burst into flames, while several bullets nearly missed his hard. Havoc yelped, diving for the door while the rest of the squad took cover behind their desks. Of course, all the ruckus woke Ed, who jerked out of his sound sleep and into a coughing fit.

"Whoops," said Hawkeye, returning her gun to her holster. "Sorry Edward. I forgot you were sleeping." Ed finally managed to catch his breath. After being woken from the first sound sleep he'd ha in five days, Ed was unhappy and more than a tad grumpy. Even so, he knew better than to snap at Hawkeye. When the lieutenant lost her temper, she started shooting people. Mustang was a much better target.

"What the hell was that all about?" moaned Ed, rubbing his eyes and shooting glares at Mustang at the same time, who still had his gloves on.

Roy thought about incinerating Edward, but then decided against it. After all, he was the one who'd woke him up in the first place. "Havoc just said something he isn't gong to repeat," said Roy as a way of explanation. "Aren't you, Havoc?" he said loudly in the direction of the closed door. A whimper of affirmative came from behind it. Roy snorted. "That's what I thought," he said, removing his gloves and putting them back in his coat pocket. Edward shot a look of amusement and pity at the door, then turned to Mustang.

"So," he said, yawning, "Do you know a place where I can stay?"

"Well," said Hawkeye, looking slightly uncomfortable, "We've arranged for you to stay at Colonel Mustang's house."

Ed was silent for a whole five seconds, eyes wide in shock. Then, he exploded off the couch and dashed to the door. "Stop him!" yelled Roy, who dashed after Edward. Ed just managed to get the door open when Havoc nabbed him, restraining him until Roy could get there to help. Ed was coughing uncontrollably, trying to squeeze his protests in between coughs. "Quit struggling, Fullmetal!" shouted Roy, his hands full of a squirming Edward. Even while sick, the kid sure put up a good fight. "I can't have one of the military's strongest alchemists end up in the hospital because he let a common cold get out of hand. You'll come to my house, Fullmetal, or I swear to god I'll court martial you!" Edward finally stopped resisting, chest heaving as he coughed and coughed. Taking his lack of movement as acquiescence, Roy unceremoniously took Ed back to the couch and dumped him there.

Ed was coughing so hard it felt like he was having a seizure. He was shaking wildly, his head was spinning from lack of oxygen. Worst of all, Ed didn't have enough control over himself to stop coughing. He hated not being in control of a situation, and this one was far out of his hands. His chest hurt and his throat hurt, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop, he couldn't stop, he couldn't fucking stop. Finally, after two minutes of uncontrollable coughing, Ed opened his eye and saw six worried faces looking down at him. Not that he care or anything lie that. All his energy had been spent on coughing, and now he was so tired he could barely move. However, he did have enough energy to glare at Mustang and rasp out, "Damn you, you bastard."

"Yup," said Roy, "He's all right. And I was dead serious about court martialing you." He said this to Edward while giving him a hard stare. Ed crossed his arms, sulking.

"You'll also be staying for the next day," said Hawkeye, shooting Ed a look before he could protest, "And I'll be there to make sure you two behave." Mustang tried to look innocent, but couldn't quite pull it off.

"You guys should have a party with Falman. He's sick, too," said Fuery, looking bright eyed as always. Ed mumbled something that sounded like "whoop-dee-do for him", but they all chose not to comment. They were all used to Ed-style tantrums by now.

Roy looked at his pocket watch. "Well," he said, closing it with a snap, "Time for us all to be heading out. Gentlemen, I bid you goodnight." He gave them a quick salute, and they returned it. He turned to Edward. "Time to go, Fullmetal. Hawkeye," he said, turning to his loyal lieutenant, "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir,' aid Hawkeye, snapping a salute. Roy grabbed Ed's arm and hauled him off the couch, practically dragging him out the door. The ride to Mustang's house was uneventful, except for the fact that Ed had sneezed eighty-seven times. Roy had counted. Ed was unusually quiet, worn out by illness and the day's events. Finally, they reached Mustang's house. It was modest, well kept, and had a subtle elegance that made it pleasing to the eye. At that point, though, Ed wouldn't have cared if Mustang's house had been some run-down filthy hovel. All he wanted to do was sleep.

Roy walked in, too tired to even turn on the lights. He led Edward up the stairs and showed him the guest bedroom. Ed barely stopped to kick off his shoes. As soon as they were off, he collapsed onto the bed and passed out, not even bothering to get underneath the covers. Roy watched him for a moment, amazed that anyone could fall asleep so quickly. Taking a minute, Roy went and got the spare blanket from the hall closet. Gently, he draped it over the peacefully. After all, he was sick. He'd probably get worse from sleeping in the cold night air.

Shrugging off his moment of parental protectiveness, Roy staggered down the hall and into his bedroom. Slowly, he changed into his night-wear, which consisted of pajama bottoms and a tee-shirt. Quickly hopping into bed, he closed his eyes. Yawning, he let his thoughts drift, where they wandered to what tomorrow had in store for him. Really thinking that one over, Roy groaned. "What on earth have I gotten myself into?" he muttered. But soon enough, the busy day took its toll and Roy fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

Cliffie! Next time, they wake up! What will I have them do next? Mwahahahahaha! Review if you want more!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, people! Thanks to all who decided my story was actually worth reading. It makes me so happy! (cries tears of joy) I have some news for you. First of all, I originally billed this as a three-part story, but when I saw all the people who liked it I got inspired. Now, it might go a little further than three chapters. It just goes to show that showing support actually does something! Also, on a different note, this is as far as the story goes in my writing notebook so far, so updates may come a little slower. I got this chapter up pretty quick though! Kudos for me!

Ed: You didn't have to do much work at all! You had the first two pages all typed out by the time the first chapter was up!

Me: Shut up! They don't have to know that you little shrimp!

Ed:WHO YOU CALLIN-

(irate author puts duct-tape over his mouth and hog-ties him)

Me: Sorry for the brief interruption. And now, onto our main program!

Ed: Mmmmgphhhh!

* * *

The Next Day…

The morning sun crept over Roy's bed, his feet, his chest, and then finally his face. He moaned, burying his face into the pillow to get away from the blinding light. He moaned again, but not because of the light this time. Roy's head felt like it was about to split, almost at the level of a bad hangover. On top of that his throat felt funny, kind of sore and itchy. He tried desperately to get back to sleep, but his headache just wouldn't leave him alone. What was the matter with him? Had he been drinking last night? Roy thought back, and then he remembered. Edward. It all clicked into place. "Damn you, Fullmetal," said Roy, beginning to cough. That damn brat had gotten him sick! Roy began to run through every curse he knew three times, including the ones in Ishbalan. He could not believe this. It was just his luck. And Roy had a sinking feeling that his bad day was just beginning.

Edward tried to get back to sleep, but the sun kept invading his field of vision. Ed was exhausted because he had woken up at midnight coughing and hadn't gotten to sleep since. Damn this freaking cold. Damn the freaking sunlight! All he wanted to do was get back to sleep. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently it was, because his chest started to hurt, making him go into a coughing fit. When it was over, he just lay there, blinded by the light from the window. "Why does that bastard have so many fucking windows?" growled Ed out loud. Tired out, Ed just kept his eyes closed, desperately tried to fall back to sleep.

Suddenly, a brisk knock came from the door. Ed just rolled over. Couldn't that dang Mustang just let him get back to sleep? "Whaaaaat?" he groaned, which was pretty polite of him considering it was morning. The knock came again.

"Edward," said Hawkeye from the other side of the door, "It's ten o'clock. I've made you breakfast, so get out of bed."

"Do I have to?" asked Ed tiredly.

Yes, you do," said Hawkeye firmly, "And if you're smart, you'll go wash up in the bathroom while I wake the colonel."

"All right," said Ed reluctantly, climbing out of bed while coughing into his elbow. It's not like he'd be able to get back to sleep anyway. And if he beat Mustang to the bathroom, well, that was an added bonus. Catching his eye, Ed noticed the blanket for the first time. How did that get on him? Ed pondered this for a second, then shrugged, plodding along to the bathroom and wondering what was for breakfast.

Riza Knocked on Roy's door, evoking a groan from the sleeping man within. "Roy, it's time to get up," said Riza, rapping on the door again. A muffled "go away" floated through the wood door, followed by the sound of coughing. Riza paused then reached for the door handle. "I'm coming in," she said, opening the door and stepping into the room. Riza looked around. Surprisingly, the room was pristine, not a piece of clothing out of place. It looked nothing like his desk did. Riza felt her eye twitch in anger. So he could keep his house clean but not his desk, then? She made a mental note to double his workload until he got his desk straightened out. The only thing that seemed remotely out of order, the bed, caught her eye. The sheets were in disarray, rumpled like he'd tossed and turned in his sleep. Roy himself was lying with the covers pulled up to his ears and a pillow over his head. As she watched, Roy began to cough, shaking the bed as he was wracked with spasms. When he stopped he shivered once, as if cold. Walking over to his bed, Riza removed to pillow, despite the owner's moaning and muffled protests. What she could see of Roy's normally pale face was flushed pink, and her thoughts were confirmed when Roy sneezed into the bed sheets.

"Edward gave you his cold?" asked Riza eyebrow quirked in amusement at the man's tactics of evasion.

Roy rolled over, fixing his blurry gaze on his lieutenant. "Yes, he did," Roy said, coughing and annoyed. "Now let me sleep." Roy rolled over and sighed, snuggling into the covers.

"Sorry, but we have an appointment to keep at eleven, so both you and Edward need to go down and eat breakfast," said Riza calmly, ripping the covers off Roy's bed and throwing them in the corner. Roy whimpered a little at the loss of heat.

"Riza," he whined, trying the curl up into a little, miserable, coughing ball, "Where on earth are we going?"

"I'm taking Ed to the doctors," said Riza, a glint in her eye, "And now that you're sick, I'm bringing you along, too."

"Damn it," said Roy, uncurling from his pathetic ball and pulling himself into a sitting position. He blinked and yawned, rubbing his eyes. "Why do you have to be so stubborn in the morning?" he asked tiredly, pushing himself off the bed and rising to his feet.

"Because that's when I usually have to deal with you," said Riza cheekily, walking out of the room and closing the door so Roy could get dressed.

Roy just grunted at the closed door and began to search for his casual clothes. He was just too tired to work himself into a temper. For now, that is. However, when he had to deal with a certain blonde midget downstairs, that would probably change.

Edward came down stairs, face washed, hair in order, to find toast and orange juice waiting for him on the kitchen table. Set before the seat opposing him was a cup of coffee and a small bowl of oatmeal. Ed wrinkled his nose. He wasn't sure what he hated more, the coffee or the oatmeal. In his opinion they were both disgusting, and ranked right under milk in his distastes for foods. Oh well, he was just glad he didn't have to eat it. Ed took a seat and slowly sipped his orange juice. As soon as the taste hit his tongue he did a spit take, spewing orange juice all over the table. It tasted horrible, like the bi-product of a chemical reaction gone wrong. What the hell? As Ed rushed to the sink and rinsed his mouth out, Riza walked into the kitchen looking as serene as ever. She took in Edward frantically rinsing his mouth out and the orange juice all over the table without missing a beat.

"Good morning, Edward," she said to his heaving back, taking a wet rag and beginning to wipe down the table. It was best to get things cleaned up before Roy came down. Riza knew from experience that Roy got cranky when he wasn't feeling well, and would take any excuse to bite Ed's head off.

"What the hell was in my orange juice?" yelled Ed, pulling faces and coughing at the same time.

Riza looked at Edward. His face was flushed and he had purple shadows under his eyes, but at least he had enough energy to yell. That was good. "Cough medicine," she said wryly, still cleaning the table. "I figured you wouldn't take it willingly, so I put it in your orange juice and hoped you'd drink some before you noticed."

"Like hell I'd notice," said Edward, sitting back down in his chair. His brief shouting fit had given him a headache. Oh joy. He looked at the toast with suspicion, doubting its legitimacy. "Is the toast rigged, too?" he asked Riza suspiciously, golden eyes narrowed and mistrustful. Riza sighed at his mistrust, exasperated.

"The toast is safe, Edward," she said, putting the wet rag back into the sink. "I promise I haven't done anything to it. And I want you to eat at least one piece, even if you don't have an appetite."

"But-"started Ed, but cut off when he saw Riza reaching for her gun. "Fine," said Edward huffily, sulking in the chair while ever so slowly nibbling at the toast. Watched by Ed's eagle eyes, Riza poured him new, untainted glass of orange juice. He began to sip it, drinking faster when he asserted that nothing was in it.

Riza smiled at the chibi alchemist when he wasn't looking. Sitting in the chair with his feet dangling above the ground, he looked just too cute for words! "Oh," she said, remembering something. She walked over and pulled something from the medicine cabinet. It was cough syrup. "Roy's going to need this, too." She set it on the counter, where it seemed to emit an ominous aura, promising gloom and doom to all that swallowed it. She then took her own cup of coffee and sat down at the table. She sipped it slowly, obviously savoring the taste.

Ed gulped, set on edge by that one little glass bottle. No way was he going to drink any of that awful stuff! However, he was puzzled by what Riza had said. Why would that bastard need cough medicine? It's not like he was sick or anything like that. So what would he do with it? As these thoughts crossed Edward's mind, slow, heavy footsteps could be heard descending the stairs. Ed kept right on eating his toast with one eye on the kitchen door, figuring his questions would be answered when he saw Mustang.

Roy made his grand entrance through the kitchen door, and Ed's eyes widened. Roy looked like a drowned rat! His thin, black hair was soaking wet, hanging in damp strands around his face. His normally pale face was a lovely shade of pink that matched to purple shadows under his eyes perfectly. He looked tired. Dead tired and downright pissed. Then Roy began to cough into the back of his hand, and Ed realized how screwed he truly was. He had gotten Roy sick. He had gotten Roy Mustang, the fucking Flame Alchemist sick! Mustang hated him enough already, and now he was stuck in the house for twenty-four hours with a grumpy and irritable Roy! But wait! There was a silver lining to all this mess. This was Ed's chance to pay Roy back for making him come to his house! Edward smiled evilly into his toast, his golden eyes narrowing as schemes of revenge danced around his head.

_Little did Ed know that Roy was thinking basically the same thing right at that very moment. _

How on earth was Roy going to deal with Ed today? Yesterday, Roy had figured he could subdue the little alchemist with brute force. After all, he had Riza on his side. But today, his energy levels were on low ebb, and he'd had trouble getting out of bed, let alone dealing with an irritable Edward. Roy twitched with pent up anger as he recalled the reason why he was sick in the first place. That little brat. He would have his revenge today. You could count on it. So, without a word to his guests, he sat down and began eating slowly, strategies already forming in his mind.

Riza watched the two with a smile shining in her amber eyes. They were both so much like children, really. She always found herself taking care of the m both, especially when they didn't want to be taken care of. Edward, to her, was like the son she'd never had. Ed had been forced to become an adult at such a young age he'd lost every chance of a childhood that he'd ever had. Every day he'd had to survive, take care of his little brother, and search for a way to get their bodies back. Now Al had his body back, but Edward was still struck with the heavy burden of automail. Edward acted strong, putting on a tough face and acting out to prove this image. When he put on his tough face, it was hard to remember what he's actually been through. But sometimes, Riza thought she could see past the unshakable façade to the scarred sixteen year old who had taken lives with his bare hands.

Roy, on the other hand, was strong in many ways. He had to be, reaching for the top like he was. Though Ishbal had done a number on him, he used his pain and his grief to push himself forward. However, he had grown used to relying only on himself, and someday he was going to get hurt by attempting something dangerous alone. That's when she had to be there, guarding his back with her gun so he could do what he needed to do. She admired and respected Roy Mustang to the fullest extent possible in a human being. But did she love him? Riza had to admit to herself that it was a strong possibility. But Riza would never be able to admit her feeling to Roy. They would just burden him on his way to the top. Since Riza had sworn to help the colonel rise through the ranks no matter what, she kept silent for the sake of the mission.

She watched Roy as he ate, memorizing every line of his face, every strand of his jet black hair. She probably did love him, and looking back her memories, had loved him for a very long time. The signs were everywhere. How she watched him when he wasn't looking, how she caught herself breathing in his smoky scent, how every time they touched Riza had to fight back a blush… so many signs she had missed. Riza found herself wishing desperately for a way to make her see, make him understand. Suddenly, Roy looked up, catching Riza staring and holding her gaze. Riza blushed and looked away, embarrassed. Making some noise to cover up the awkward moment, she got up and put her now empty coffee cup in the sink. She wondered, what was he thinking now after catching her staring like that?

"Riza, I love you," thought Roy. "Can't you tell? Or am I doing something wrong? I hope she likes me back. But what if she doesn't? Oh, I really hope she does…" He dropped his gaze, disappointed by Riza's reaction.

_Riza Hawkeye's thinking level: mature. Roy Mustang's thinking level: third grade._

_How on earth are they ever going to make this work?_

Edward rolled his eyes, watching the short scene play out. Jeez, they needed to go get a room. The love tension could practically be seen the way it was rolling off their bodies. Ed smirked as he watched Riza bustling around the kitchen, and Roy's gaze lingering on her before they returned to his breakfast. It was painfully obvious that the two were in love. It was just as painfully obvious that the two hadn't gotten together yet. But why weren't they together? Looking at the two again, Ed concluded that either they didn't know it yet or they hadn't admitted it to each other yet. He snorted into his orange juice. Was Mustang really useless at everything? Some people were so stupid, especially when it came to other people. Maybe…they just needed a little help. After Edward had his revenge on the unsuspecting colonel, he didn't mind helping the two get a little smarter. Especially if could use it as blackmail later. Ed coughed out a laugh and began to think up a plan.

Riza finished the dishes and turned to Ed and Roy, who were both eyeing the cough medicine and surreptitiously trying to edge out of the room. "Oh no, you don't," she said, pulling out her gun and leveling it at the wayward pair. Both of them had a stubborn, rebellious look on their face, and if they kept it there much longer they were going to have lead rain down upon them. It was far too early in the morning to have to deal with their pain-in-the-ass attitudes. She leveled them one look as their final warning.

"But Riza," Roy whined then yelped as a bullet nearly missed his ear.

"Don't think you can get out of this," she warned him, her amber eyes merciless. "And that means you, too," she barked at Edward, who had been slowly inching towards the door.

"Yes, ma'am," Ed squeaked, jumping a little. She motioned for the two to sit down, and they did so posthaste. After all, no one goes against the lieutenant. Putting her gun away, but losing none of her intimidation, she turned and measured out a dose of cough syrup into a spoon. Riza began to walk towards Edward, whose eyes were starting to widen with barely concealed panic. "But I-" he began to protest, but was cut off when Riza shoved the spoon into his open mouth. She held the spoon there until Edward reluctantly swallowed, immediately afterward rushing to the sink to rinse his mouth out.

Roy snickered. Stupid Edward. You never open your mouth when someone's trying to give you medicine. It was the first mistake kids made. However, his snickering cut off when Riza shot him a look that told him he was next. Dread grew in the pit of his stomach, which changed to anger when Ed gave him a condescending smirk. That little brat! He glared right back at him. Edward made a face. Ray made one right back. Riza, however, took advantage of their little contest by using it to shove the spoon between Roy's lips while he was distracted. Taken off guard, Roy swallowed in surprise, tasting the awful artificial cherry flavor that coated his tongue. Damn, that was nasty! Leaping from his seat, he rushed to the sink and drank straight from the faucet, trying to get the horrible taste off his tongue. When he finished, he sent a glare Edward's way, and another at Riza.

"Now," she said, putting on her coat and grabbing the keys to Roy's car, "We can go to the doctors without you two coughing all the live-long day."

In a fit of annoyance, Roy asked vehemently, "Why do I have to?" He instantly regretted it when Riza shot him a look that would have stunned a grizzly, followed by a bullet that grazed his hair. Edward, who had been on the verge of voicing some complaint, paled.

"Enough," she growled as the two men quaked in their socks. "Get. In. The. Car. Now." The two men moved so fast they would have put an Olympian to shame. Both wanted very much to see the light of another day, thank you. Riza shook her head as they disappeared in a flash. "Boys," she muttered, and then headed for the car.

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Do you love me? If you do, then review my story. As shown, they make me review faster. And if you don't I'll hog-tie you. (maniacal gleam in eye)


	3. Chapter 3

OH MY GOD!!! You people seem to really like this story. I never thought this story would be this popular. I'd like to give a huge thank you to everyone who read this story. Thank you so much1 I'll say again how astounded I am at the number of people who let me know they read this.

I tried to make this a manageable length so I could get this to you as soon a possible. The amount of reviews I received helped speed me along as well.

Roy: Hahaha! Looks like I'm as popular as ever.

Ed: No way, bastard! They're all reading this story because I'm in it! You're just some two-bit side character!

Me: Now, now Edward. That was uncalled for…no, no alchemy. Stop right there, no Edward!

(maniacal laughter from off screen)

Riza:(sweat drop) Edward, you do know that if you kill the author lots of people will get mad, right?

I hope you like the new chapter! It was fun to write.

Disclamer: Why do I even need to do this? I mean everyone knows I don't own this. So there!

* * *

Ed hated doctors. He hated doctors, checkups, hospitals, or anything vaguely related to any of the above. Ever since he was very little he had found a natural phobia in their white coats and antiseptic smell. After his mother died, he had no longer attended his checkups, and had only gone there for life-threatening injuries. If the illness of injury was minor, he would have Al find some sort of medicine to fix it. Anything oozing blood he bandaged himself. He didn't need to be here, but Riza had insisted. No one ever goes against the lieutenant. _Ever. _It is simply just not done. If you have more than one brain cell, that is, which is why Ed suspected Roy tried to go against her so often. The poor thing didn't have a single working brain cell in his head.

Roy hated doctors. Everything about them reminded him of Ishbal. The sights, the smell, even the feel brought back memories of that fateful war. Roy hadn't stopped twitching since he walked through the door. He also now had a major migraine from repressing memories he didn't want to react to in the middle of a child's waiting room. Why did Riza have to bring him here? It was understandable that she would want to bring them to a doctor, but really. A child doctor's office? She knew exactly how much it would get under his nerves. Roy felt like crawling up the freaking walls here. So, naturally he was sulking, showing Riza exactly how much he didn't want to be here.

Riza hid her grin behind a raised hand, her brown eyes twinkling in amusement. She knew all to well that both alchemists didn't want to be here, but right now they were too funny for words. Roy and Ed were both sulking in the exact same position, arms crossed while they slouched down in their chairs. However, the chairs were a little on the small side, seeing as how they were in an empty doctor's office for children. For once, Ed didn't look abnormally small. Roy, however, looked abnormally large. A giant among midgets. As she watched the two, they both looked sideways at each other, realizing they were sulking in the exact same position. Each turned away with a "humph" of disdain. Riza's grin grew larger, and her shoulders were now shaking with suppressed laughter. Sensing her amusement, Roy looked over at her, eyes saying "I'll get you later for this". However, the effect was ruined when sneezed right in the middle of giving it to her, For Riza, this was the final straw, and she burst out into peals of hysterical laughter. Both men growled at her, but did nothing.

Roy watched Riza laugh, her wonderful face beaming with amusement, and all of a sudden his annoyance was washed away and replaced with amazement. Who was this beautiful creature? It was as if her laughter had shown Roy another side of the person he had always known. To completely remove her barriers and laugh like this…well, Roy could count on one hand the amount of times it had happened. Right then, Roy decided in a new goal, this one just as important as becoming the leader of Amerstis was to him. He wanted to make Riza look like that for the rest of her life. Totally and unreservedly happy. If he could do just that, then he would be a happy man forever.

Edward, spotting the dopy, love struck look on Roy's face, decided he would do a little ribbing. Nudging Roy in the ribs with his elbow, Ed leaned over and whispered, "Geez, Mustang, get your mind out of the gutter. I mean really, you are in a public place, so get a grip." Ed smiled to himself. He would probably die as soon as what he said sunk in, but if he could get in one final parting shot as he went he would die a happy man.

Roy turned a funny shade of red, blushing furiously from embarrassment and anger. This was it. Edward was going to die, right here in this small office. Very embarrassing for an alchemist of his caliber. "I'm going to kill you," Roy managed to strangle out, jumping to his feet and diving for the small boy. But Ed was fast, and he slipped out of Roy's grasp and fled for the door. If he was going to be chased, he would do it where some unwitting civilian wouldn't be traumatized for life.

Because he had the advantage of being faster, Ed decided to throw some gas of the proverbial fire. "What's wrong, colonel Useless? Lost your nerve?" he shouted over his shoulder, adding an insulting wink and smirk as he sped towards the door. Roy, however, was a little too focused to reply, or (on a separate note) to even think of using alchemy. All the better for the nearby buildings, which would have surely not survived the brunt of Roy's wrath. The look on his face, Ed noted, was completely terrifying. Dearie me, Ed thought, I must have insulted his manly pride. Ed's grin grew a fraction. This is the most fun Ed had had in about a year. Pushing Mustang's buttons should be a sport. Ed was at the door not, one hand on the handle. However, as usual, before things got too out of hand, good old Riza stepped in and intervened.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Riza roared, her eyes flashing in a dangerous way. One look at her told Roy and Ed everything they needed to know. They had crossed the line. Boy were they screwed, and they both knew it for sure. Both halted in mid-stride, paling until they were both indistinguishable from ghosts. The two rabbits trembled before the wrath of the mighty bear. "Both of you get back here right now," she said slowly and clearly, pointing at the seats they had just recently vacated. Both men moved slowly back to their seats slowly, afraid to make any sudden moves. They sat, both on the edge pf their seats, ready to flee at the slightest hint of a weapon. Riza drew in a huge breath, preparing to give them a dressing down, when the door to the examining room opened.

"Miss Hawkeye?" the doctor called, reading the name off the list on his clip board.

"What?!" she snapped out, spinning around to turn her unreleased wrath on him. Giving credit to the doctor, he didn't run. Sure, he almost wet his pants, but he held his ground. The man deserved a medal.

"I-I-I am r-r-ready to t-take them n-now," he stammered out, slowing and surreptitiously backing into the hall. This was all Roy and Ed needed to make their escape, dashing past the doctor so fast he barely saw them passing. Seeing he had retrieved his patients, the doctor also beat a hasty retreat, closing the door behind. With no one to vent her frustrations on, Riza was forced to fume alone in the waiting room.

Ed and Roy heaved a huge sigh of relief as the door swung shut behind them. They were now safe from the wrath of the rabid Riza. Gratefully, they followed the doctor to the examining room, both sitting down on the table. They had both realized how little doctor visits scared them compared to Riza Hawkeye in a rage did, and didn't want any more misbehavior tally marks on their list of "things they royally screwed up". However, panic was the main emotion Ed was feeling at the present moment. He knew as soon as they got into the house they were as good as dead. Riza wouldn't yell at them in the car (it impeded her driving, or in other words made her crash into trees), so he and Roy had now and the time it took to drive back to the house to think of a way to get back into Riza's good books. If they didn't, they were doomed. Forever and ever was a long time to be in pain, after all. Realizing he needed two minds for this particular problem, Ed reluctantly nudged Roy with his elbow. Watching the doctor breeze around the room trying not to have a nervous breakdown, Ed leaned over and whispered to Roy, "If you can think of a way to calm her down and get her back in a good mood, speak now Roy Mustang or forever hold your peace." Ed couldn't help but throw in that little marriage innuendo, even if the current situation didn't call for it. After all, it was who he was. He was created for the sole purpose of annoying Roy Mustang off the face of the earth. Ed sat back and watched as Roy pulled a thoughtful expression while coughing.

Roy was deep in thought, trying desperately to find away out of the current situation. His first inclination was to save himself and leave Ed to suffer, but he thought against it. He wouldn't do that to his worst enemy. So he thought, trying to find a way to appease her, thinking back to all the years they had spent together. Surely there must be something he could do? Then, in a flash of god-sent inspiration, he had it! It might not work entirely, but it was worth a shot. "Okay, shorty," Roy said, his blue eyes, narrowed in concentration, "This is what we're going to do…"

The doctor looked on suspiciously, shooting glances at the two guys seating on the examination table. They were whispering furiously to each other, hints of panic showing in their blue and gold eyes. They were quite a pair of opposites, those two. The tall man had predominant icy feel, with tousled black hair and dark blue eyes. The other one was the perfect picture of vibrance and energy, with golden hair and golden eyes. _Fire and ice_, the doctor snorted in his head. _Something tells me these two don't get along together well. _"It's time for me to take a look at you two," he said briskly, walking over to look down the dark, haired one's throat. While examining, he heard the blonde one whisper to the dark eyed man, "Roy, are you sure this is going to work? It seems like kind of a crazy plan to me."

Moving on to the blonde haired one, he heard the man retort, "Of course it's going to work! My plans have never failed yet. And after all, I've known her longer," the man said, a smug grin crossing his face.

Finished examining, the doctor walked to the counter, hearing the short one mutter, "Whatever you say." The doctor briefly wondered what the strange pair was talking about, then simply shrugged, content with not knowing. Turning to face the two patients, the doctor gave them his diagnosis.

"You both have a mild chest cold," said the doctor, looking down at his notes. Roy felt a flash of irritation. He'd had a chest cold before, and it had annoyed the heck out of him. He wasn't going to look forward to the next week or so. "You should stay at home for twenty-four hours to make sure you're not contagious, drink lots of fluids, and get plenty of rest. Take a mild painkiller if you get a headache. Other then that, there's really not much else…" said the doctor, who then suddenly looked up as if he'd abruptly remembered something. "I've been meaning to ask…" the doctor began, and Roy suddenly felt a cold ball of dread forming in his stomach. "Are you two father and son?" the doctor asked, while fate laughed at his own naivety from behind his back. Roy flung himself as far away from Edward as he could possibly get, while out of the corner of his eye Roy saw Edward do the same. "Not even if you paid me," snarled Mustang, glaring daggers at the blonde midget.

"Never in a million years," said Ed in disgust, glaring right back at his superior officer.

"Never mind," said the doctor quickly, thinking of that old saying about curiosity and a cat. "You are free to go." Ed and Roy were out of there so fast the doctor didn't even see them pass. The doctor then proceeded to go to his office and hyperventilate for several minutes. Normally he would see his patients out, but just the thought of the scary woman in the lobby made him shudder. And though that particular doctor lived to be around eighty, he never got a pair of stranger patients, or anyone who was quite as scary as the blonde lady in the waiting room.

Riza was mad. Terrifyingly mad, as in out for the blood of the innocents mad. She clutched the steering wheel tightly with both hands. Honestly! She thought those two had more sense than to act like that _in public. _But, then again, they both had never really had any common sense in the first place. Her eyes glaring at the road, Riza thought of all the things she was going to do to them when she got back to the house. Glancing back at the erstwhile pair, she was they were whispering to each other in the back seat. Of all the nerve! As if they weren't in enough trouble already. "Quit whispering!" snapped Riza, and she saw the two boys retreat to their respecting windows before her eyes went to the road. What had they been talking about? Probably about how much trouble they were in. Riza felt a small sadistic smile slip onto her face. Finally, they had arrived back at Roy's house. Hitting the brakes, Riza parked out front, almost sliding into the curb. Opening her door with a jerk, she got out of the car to see the most incredible sight. Ed and Roy had, as soon as the car stopped, thrown off their seat belts and made a mad dash for the house. As if they weren't in enough trouble already, now they were _running_. She had thought that at least Roy would show some maturity. Apparently not, and now Riza could swear she was seeing red she was so angry. _Bad move Roy-boy_, Riza thought as she took off in high pursuit after the two boys as the door closed behind them.

Yanking the door open, Riza quickly opened the door and quickly scanned the entry hall for anything breathing. Seeing no one, she stood still for a moment and listened for the sound of voices. Hearing nothing, she began to walk quickly to the adjoining living room, hoping to dear god that there would be a living being she could strangle inside. No sooner had she stepped into the room then two bodies simultaneously flew at her, causing her to fly back and collapse onto the couch with a muted thud. Knowing the identity of the two bodies, Riza drew a huge breath to start yelling at them, when something happened that knocked the breath right out of her body.

Ed and Roy started to tickle her.

It all seemed just too surreal to be actually happening. The two of them were tickling her, getting her right in the ribcage. Coincidentally, this was an extremely sensitive spot for her, and Riza couldn't stop a laugh from escaping her lips. This broke her composure, and soon enough she was laughing loudly, unable to stop with tears in her eyes. "Stop!" she laughed out, but her plea went unheeded. "Roy!" she shrieked, laughing so hard she thought she would never stop. Her gazed rested upon her two attackers as she frantically tried to shield her weak spots. Roy had one of his sardonic smirks on her face, but a hint of mirth could be seen in his eyes. Edward was grinning freely, his happy face shining as a laugh broke from his lips. Pretty soon, Roy had joined in, his low laugh joining Edward's pealing high-pitched one. A feeling of happiness overcame Riza's anger, and she decided that the two were forgiven. After all, who didn't want to act like a child every once in a while? Riza couldn't remember the last time she had let herself go like this. It was a nice feeling, one she had forgotten long ago. Looking at Ed's tousled hair and Roy's pink face, she found herself wishing that they were a family. Even if they weren't this was still a moment Riza would cherish for a long time. Jack-knifing on the couch, she reached up and began to tickle Ed in the side. He immediately stopped ticking her and began to shriek out his laughter, shaking and trying to get free.

"Get him!" she shouted to Roy, who switched targets from her to Edward, who was now writhing on the ground as the two adults attacked him mercilessly.

"Not me, him!" Ed yelled, tickling Roy in counter-attack. Riza obligingly switched targets, bowling Roy over and joining Edward in his attack. Finally, after Roy had shrieked and cried uncle for a few minutes, they collapsed onto the couch. All were red in the face as grinning, though Roy and Ed had suffered mild coughing attacks during the battle. After a moment to catch her breath, Riza spoke up. "Alright, boys," she said with good humor in her voice. "Which one of you planned this?"

"It was Roy!" Ed said in a rush, pointing the finger of blame at the colonel. Roy held up his hands in mock surrender.

"I can't deny brilliance," he said with a smirk. Riza face-palmed while Ed stuck his tongue out at Roy behind her back.

"So," said Ed hesitantly, fidgeting slightly, "Does this mean were off the hook?"

Riza pretended to give this some thought, a finger resting on her lips. No need for them to know that they were forgiven. "Not a change," she said with an evil grin. Watching both of them pale for a second, she decided to let them off the hook. No need to torture them. Laughing, she shook her head, thinking that these were the moments she wouldn't trade for the world.

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Awwwwww! Cute family moment! Next time, the fun between Ed and Roy should start, so stay tuned!


	4. Chapter 4

Happy New Year! As my New Year present to you all, I decided to post the last chapter of my story. I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed, favorited, auther alerted, or just decided to read this story. This story kicked butt all over the place, and I love the way it came out. It suprised me though, because I've never really done a humerous fic before. Ah well, hope you like it!

Roy: No, they hate it. Obviously that's why they're reading it.

Me: Awww, shut up, Roy-boy.

Roy: AAAARGH! DON'T USE THAT NICK-NAME!

Ed: Roy-boy, Roy-boy! (in a sing-song voice)

Roy: I WILL FLAME YOU ALL!!!!!!

Me and Ed: Nooooooooo!!!!!!

(whoosh!)

Riza: What's going on here?

Really. Don't. Own. Any. Of. This. How many times do I have to say this? Yeesh, stupid copyright laws.

* * *

"Of the hook, my ass," muttered Roy, massaging his head as he signed another useless paper by the fading light of the sun. His head was really killing him at the moment, throbbing like some sort of sick torture device. Sick, thought Roy. Ha ha. Coughing a couple times into the back of his hand, he set down the pen and sighed, resting his head on the desk. He really needed an aspirin. Rising from his chair, he massaged the crick in his neck. As his punishment for acting out in public, Riza had him start on some of his paperwork. If she was any more sadistic looking, she would have a whip and big smile on her face. Instead, she had a gun and a deadpan expression. In reality, his mountain of paperwork was only about twenty sheets thick, but hey, twenty sheets seems a lot when you have a killer headache.

Roy walked down the hall, wondering if he should be worried. Ed was somewhere in the kitchen, cleaning as part of his punishment for their earlier actions. When the two of them had united and protested about them being punished when they were sick, Riza had just smiled and told them this was a tenth of what were going to have to do when they were better. With a significant look, she had told them to snap to it, and by god they had. Roy smiled to himself as he walked towards the kitchen door. That was his Riza. Gaze of steel, heart of iron. Roy paused, just outside the kitchen door. His Riza? Was he getting that sappy already? He just sighed to himself and smiled a little. Well, maybe he was. His thoughts went back to the conundrum of how to tell Riza that he liked her. Something told Roy that if he botched it up he would loose her forever. Not to mention certain parts of his anatomy might go missing as well. A slight shiver ran down Roy's spine as he thought of all the ways he could mess this one up. Oh, well. He'd figure something out, like he always did.

Something was off, though. No noise was coming from the kitchen. Roy should have been hearing the sounds of dishes being washed and curses being muttered. But not a single sound came from inside. Roy frowned. That couldn't bode well.

*****

Somewhere near by, a certain golden haired watched the kitchen with amusement. Sometime during today, Ed had decided he was going to skip getting back at Roy and head straight to getting the two resident lovebirds together. After all, staying at the bastard's house for a day hadn't been so bad after all. No that he would want to stay longer. So, Ed decided to pay Roy back in the only was he could think of; getting him together with his dearly beloved. It was painfully obvious that the two had it bad for each other. Watching the two of them, Ed was tempted to hurl. Or alchemizing his eyelids shut. Which he could do now, having recovered enough over the course of the day to use alchemy. All the signs were there, so Ed decided to give them both a little push. With manipulation and a little luck, this would work and he would get it all on tape. With a small laugh, Ed turned back to the scene that lay in wait.

*****

Roy walked into the kitchen, intending to discover the reason for the strange silence. Knowing Ed, it couldn't be anything good. Staring, Roy gazed in astonishment, blue eyes wide. The kitchen was sparkly clean, every surface shining from a recent polish. The lights were dimmed, the room lit only by fading sunlight and the candles placed strategically on the kitchen table. Laid out on the table was a magnificent dinner. Penne chicken, a Caesar salad, garlic bread, and even a bottle of wine, for heaven's sake! And standing in front of this romantic, candle-lit dinner, right by the adjoining kitchen door, was Riza Hawkeye. The girl of his dreams had made him dinner. Surreptitiously, Roy pinched himself. He winced slightly in pain. Yep, defiantly real. Nervously, he gazed around, unsure of what to do next.

Riza stared in disbelief at the carefully planned dinner laid out before them. Who ever knew Roy had this much forethought. Really, how many people tried to pull moves on a lady when they had a chest cold? Not many. It ruins the macho effect if they're coughing and sneezing every five seconds. Oh well, she wasn't complaining. Who would if the man of their dreams made them a romantic candlelight dinner? Thinking to herself, Riza was caught off guard when a hand touched her waist and gently guided her to a chair. "Why don't you sit down?" said Roy gently, his black hair casually falling across his handsome face. Riza stared openly at him, tracing her way down his face with her eyes. Starting with his obsidian hair, she went downward taking in his handsome nose and flawless lips. His features were angular, as if chiseled from hard granite. Finally, she met his tender gaze. His blue eyes were hard to tell from black in the poor lighting, but if you looked hard you could see the dark sapphire that made his eye color. But his eyes were not what interested Riza. It was what those eyes told her that held the story of this man. Determination, guilt, loyalty, and bravery shone like the light of a thousand candles, fueling his burning flame of ambition. Smiling gently, the corners of Roy's eyes crinkled slightly, giving off much softer feelings. At Roy's low chuckle, however, Riza broke from his gaze, shivering slightly as the heat that lay within them left her. She sat with a blush, embarrassed that she had been caught staring sappily at Roy like some sort of love-struck fool.

From across the kitchen, Roy felt the sudden urge to kiss Riza senseless. _Bad hormones, _he thought, scolding is body for trying to betray him. _Very bad hormones. No cookies for you. _Roy blinked. Wait, did he just threaten his own body with withholding cookies? That was too weird. Shaking off his weird moment, Roy decided to get off his butt and be the gentleman. After all, Riza had gone through all the trouble of making him dinner, on top of looking after Edward and him all day. Which was no mean task, might he add. So, Roy walked across the kitchen and gently touched her waist. Immediately, the urge to kiss her came back with a flaming vengeance. Guess withholding cookies just wasn't enough to get his body to behave. Ignoring the signals being frantically screamed at his brain, Roy did not kiss her, simply guiding her over to one of the vacant chairs.

"Why don't you sit down?" he asked gently, this time fighting back the urge to move that one strand of hair that had fallen across Riza's face. Instead of doing so, Riza opted to look up at Roy instead. As soon as her gaze touched his face, Roy felt his heart accelerate, going at what seemed to him a hundred miles a minute. Nerves reduced his brain to a stuttering wreck, with fleeting thoughts dancing around his brain. _Should I kiss her? Will she kiss me? Should I wait until she's ready? Why do I sound like some sappy idiot? _Roy had never fallen so hard for someone before. As much as Roy had thought this was just a simple crush, he now suspected to be something more. He was truly falling in love for the first time and as much as it scared him the person standing in front of his made it worth the fear. The fear, pain, and anxiety were all meaningless when paired against Riza's love and happiness.

Their gazes met, and Roy tried to spell out with his eyes what his mouth couldn't say. Gazing into her amber depths, he waited to see in she would make some sort of move. _You're getting soft_, Roy thought to himself with a chuckle, _if you're waiting for the girl to make a move. Where's your womanizing charm? _Apparently, all of Roy's good sense was taking a vacation, along with most of his brain. This fact was accentuated when Riza looked away, obviously embarrassed for staring at his like that. In reality, he hadn't minded at the slightest. Roy mentally cursed for being an idiot and making things harder for her(and him).

After a moment of extremely awkward silencer, Roy sat down and they both dug into the delicious (kudos, Ed!) meal in front of them. As they ate, the silence in the room seemed to grow thicker as both people desperately tried to find a topic of conversation. Grasping at straws, Roy cleared him throat and said, "So…the meal is amazing. You really didn't have to go through the trouble of cooking me a whole fancy dinner." Realizing how dismissing that sounded, Roy hastily tacked on, "Not that I mind, of course! It's just that you've never done something like this before, and I was wondering-"

Roy was interrupted by Riza interjecting. "I thought you cooked the meal," she said with a confused expression on her face. Roy was distracted for a second by the way Riza was biting her lip, but then he bit his tongue to keep his thoughts on the strait and narrow.

"No," Roy replied, trying desperately to keep his mind off Riza's lips, as well as other parts of her body, "I just walked in and the table was set." _Damn it, I need to stop thinking about her!_

"So did I," Riza said, looking puzzled. Both adults paused for a second, trying to solve the puzzle that had so neatly presented itself. Then, in the same instant, both bolted upright and looked at each other.

"Edward," they said in unison. Riza leapt for the door, frantically jiggling the handle, but it was no good. Our tricky little Edward had alchemized the doors shut, making it so that even if you shot the hinges off the door would stay shut. Riza banged against it, beyond furious. "EDWARD!" she yelled, thinking violent thoughts and sending them up the stairs. When she got her hands on him that kid would be biting bullets. Riza thought that by now the kid would have learned his lesson, but apparently you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Why yell?" came Roy's voice from behind her, in a gentle way that made a shiver of pleasure run down her spine. She felt his breath on the back of her neck before she faced him. He was very close, leaning in while he pinned her with his gaze. Riza stood breathless, not daring to breathe. If she moved, she would wake up, and this would turn out to be some kind of wonderful dream. "The way I see it," he whispered softly, his blue eyes melting her with their tenderness, "He did us a favor." Riza looked deep into his eyes, and didn't know what to do. Ever so slowly, Roy leaned in, his eyes never leaving Riza's. Screwing up her courage, she leaned forward. In a single instant, their lips met.

Roy leaned into the kiss, feeling the warm fire that was their lips. He couldn't believe that he finally had the woman of his dreams in his arms. He also couldn't believe Riza hadn't shot him for being so foreword. But none of that mattered as he leaned into Riza's lips, holding here warm body close to his. This was the closest it got to heaven as far as he was concerned. Sadly, he was running out of oxygen, so he reluctantly broke off their kiss. Cupping Riza beautiful face in his hands, he looked her dead in the eye, put his heart in his mouth and spoke. "I love you, Riza," he said breathlessly, smiling a true smile for what seemed the first time in ages. Riza's sherry eyes sparkled, and she leaned into his embrace. "About time," she muttered, snuggling deeper. Roy smirked, resting his chin on the top of her head. Riza was here in his arms, and that was all that mattered to him in the world right now. _Everything else, _he thought as he raised Riza's chin for another kiss, _can wait until tomorrow._

*****

Edward, hiding in the kitchen cupboard, made a face. Ew. Waaaay too much romance for one room. His golden eyes gleamed, however, when he looked sideways at the small camcorder that had recorded the entire mushy scene. _No need for me to be here, _thought Ed, beginning to soundlessly climb back through the tunnel he had made between the kitchen cabinet and the living room. _I think the camera can capture the rest for me. _Sealing the hole behind him, he slunk up the stairs, all the while thinking of all the things he could do with the footage he had just captured. Finally, he settled of a pretty good plan. Not too evil, but defiantly humiliating. He would only embarrass Roy in front of the crew, not anyone he didn't know well. That way, he avoided life-threatening revenge schemes. Plus, if he played it right he could even get a few cens out of it. Ed forced down an evil cackle. Tomorrow, he was going to have the time of his life.

*****

Riza groaned, blinking in an attempt to un-blur her vision. _What the hell?_ It took her a few seconds to remember why she was on the couch, curled up next to Roy. After their little make-out session, Roy had snuggled with her on the couch and they had watched a late-night movie. Apparently, they had both fallen asleep while watching. Roy was sprawled all over the couch, snoring. Riza smiled a little at the scene.

"I hope nothing happened on that couch."

Riza's head jolted up to find Edward turning off the TV. "That's a waste of electricity, you know," he chided, narrowing his golden eyes at her.

Riza turned a funny shade of red at Ed's insinuation. "E-Edward!" she stammered, blushing. She frantically pushed herself upright, while Ed simply raised an eyebrow.

"I just act like a kid. I'm not naïve," Edward said with a smirk that looked scarily like Roy's. "Or stupid," he added, turning to walk towards the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready," Ed tossed over his shoulder, his automail leg clunking noisily on the wood floor as he padded around in bare feet. As soon as he was out of the room, Riza began to blearily shake Roy awake with one hand, the other massaging her temple. "Roy," she moaned, "Wake up. Edward's made us breakfast."

"Aaaargh," Roy moaned inarticulately, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He was acting very zombie-like, Riza realized with a grin. With his eyes still closed, Roy managed to slump himself off the couch and slog towards the kitchen, lured in by the coffee Riza could now smell. Giving a small yawn herself, she also got up and walked into the kitchen. Ed was sitting at the kitchen table, digging into a plate of scrambled eggs and sipping a cup of orange juice. Roy was also seated, attacking a cup of coffee with a single-minded intensity that was almost frightening. There was another plate of eggs laid out for Riza, along with a cup of coffee, so she sat and began to eat.

After finishing his food Ed leaned back in his chair, sighing contentedly. Roy, finishing his food seconds after Ed did also leaned back, considerably refreshed and awake thanks to the coffee. Riza, not felling very hungry, pushed her plate away and began to do the dishes. All was quiet in the kitchen for a while, silence broken only by the sloshing of dish water. Then Edward rose to his feet, and with a sigh began to put on his jacket. "Well," he said, looking at the floor, "My apartment's fixed, so I'll be heading out. I wouldn't want to interrupt anything," he said with a grin, his eyes flickering between Riza and Roy. "Thanks a lot, Riza. You know, for taking care of me and all."

Riza smiled at him. "It's no problem, Ed."

Ed nodded, then turned to Roy. He seemed to struggle with himself, trying to bring the words of thanks out of his mouth. But in the end, Ed just narrowed his eyes and said, "You're still a bastard, bastard."

"Right back at you, short stuff," Roy shot back with a smirk, wearing that "I-art-better-than-thou" look on his face. Of course, following the preordained laws of nature, Ed exploded into a small rant.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT EVEN ANTS LOOK BIGGER?" Ed screamed, stamping his foot childishly. Thankfully it was his real one, or Roy would be replacing floorboards. Roy laughed, and Ed gave a "humph" and stomped out the door. Riza and Roy heard him call "See yah!", and then they heard the front door slam.

"Good riddance," Roy snorted, pouring some more coffee. Riza opened her mouth to dress him down fro being rude, but instead of a lecture coming out of her mouth she sneezed. Roy looked on in astonishment, and Riza sneezed again, covering her mouth with her hand. There was a moment of silence, and Riza could feel a headache coming on. Riza groaned, sinking back into her chair. "Damn you to hell, Roy," she moaned, stifling another sneeze. Roy wisely chose to suppress his laughter, and reached for the phone.

"I guess I'll call us both in sick for today. What a great chance for me to nurse you back to health."

"Shut up, Roy."

*****

Later On That Day…

Roy and Riza were watching TV together on the couch when the phone spontaneously began to ring. "I'll bet it's the office," Roy said dryly, getting up to answer it. "Without the both of us there they must be in shambles."

"Tell them I'll shoot them later if they misbehave," coughed Riza, pulling her blanket tighter around her.

Roy made to the phone just in time, diving in to answer it. "All right, what did you screw up Havoc?"

"Jeez man, that's creepy how you know it's me. Honestly, are you sure you're human?"

"Positive, Havoc. Now, what the hell are you doing?" asked Roy, rolling his eyes in preparation to the next crazy thing the crew cooked up while he was away.

"Well," said Havoc slyly, "Right now, we're watching a very interesting video. A very nice romance, in fact. Care to hear a clip? I know you can guess what it's from."

Roy sighed and waited, playing along with Havoc's stupid game. However, when the sound began to filter through the phone, Roy froze in shock. That…that was his voice! He was saying, _the way I see it, he did us a favor_. That was from last night! How…? Suddenly, Havoc got back on the line.

"Riza, I love you!" he whined in a high pitched girly voice. Laughter could be heard from the other end as Roy's hand began to strangle the phone. "Gee, Roy, I never knew you were that corny. I don't see how the girls fall for you. So, what are you two doing home today? I'll bet whatever you're doing wouldn't be rated G!" More laughter on the other end of the phone, and Roy's hand squeezed all the tighter. "And the best part is, Ed let us have this cheep, it was only forty cens-" Havoc's voice was cut off by the phone being slammed down into it's cradle, then said phone being incinerated in an intense burst of heat. Roy swore he saw red as he started screaming.

"EDWAAAAAAARD!!!"

The End :)

Thank you for sticking with me! Hope you like it! If you review, I might do another fic like this one.


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